I was stuck today. Stuck in my head with my thoughts going round and round until I thought I would explode or crawl under my desk and disappear.
Circular thinking or reasoning is one way my bipolar manifests, and I could easily lose myself to the point where I literally do nothing as I am so overwhelmed with the thoughts in my head. Obsessing over these thoughts while doing doing to change them.
This was a work-related issue, that had a very quick solution that I DID NOT WANT TO DO as I was afraid. I did not want to do THE THING until it was so huge in my head that it overwhelmed and overshadowed everything else. I was afraid that THE THING would mean more changes, one in particular that I do not want to have to make. So THE THING and the rest of my thoughts went round in my head for hours, like circling a drain, filling me with more fear and dread the longer I sat there.
I am very lucky in that my partner, K, works for the same company I do and was aware that I did not want to do THE THING. She is a very reasonable and practical person and one of her strengths is seeing right through a problem to it’s solution. Knowing that she knew that I was stuck felt almost as bad as the stuck feeling.
All I had to do to move past being stuck was THE THING. THE BIG GIANT THING I DID NOT WANT TO DO.
THE THING? A phone call to someone above me, who I like very much and is a fan of mine in return. She is easy to talk to and has never given me any cause for alarm.
I did it though, I made the call and now?